Letter to no one
by ninjanums
Summary: Everything was his fault. Everyone died because of him. Why did he always put the people he loved in danger? And now things are only going to get worse.


Disclamer- I in no way, shape or form own any of the characters or events of the Harry Potter series, they all belong to the amazingly wonderful JK Rowling.

A/N: This is pre- HBP AND Post OOTP.

To no-one in particular,

I have so much on my mind right now its unbearable.

I've caused so many peoples deaths and put so many in danger.

My parents died so that I could live. An amazing gift but at an amazing cost. They died purely because of my existence and wanting to preserve that.

Cedric died because Voldemort wanted to kidnap me, to kill me and I had to share the cup with him. Why couldn't I have been selfish for once and take the cup on my own. Play the hero like Hermione said I always do.

And now Sirius is dead and it all my fault. If I had actually tried with occlumency and listened to Dumbledore, done what he wanted me to do instead of letting my curiosity about the dreams get the better of me. If I had just done what Snape had said to do Sirius would be alive, I'd still be able to write to him. I could send this to him…..

Dumbledore should have told me about the prophecy, then I would have known what Voldemort would have tried to do and I wouldn't have gone and put everyone's lives in danger. But how would I know it wasn't real? How would I know he wasn't in danger? I'd have to check. I couldn't do nothing. But then Dumbledore had his reasons for not telling me, he always does. As Hagrid always says he's a great man. He knows pretty much everything and I cant blame him for trying to protect me from this, if I was him I would have.

Now that I know what's going on , what I have to do in, well, the end, it's scary. There's no better way to describe it. I have to kill a living person. I have to _murder_ someone. Does that make me as bad as voldemort? Some would same no, I'd be killing for good, not for fun like he does, but he's still a living person, be devoid of all human-like emotions, but he is still a human being and had once been good in some sense of the word. He is still human.

When I think about how to _kill _Voldemort, the only 'practical' way as some would say would be to use the avada kedavra curse. An unforgivable. The use of one of those warrants a life sentence in Azkaban. Would I get that? A kind of 'thanks for saving the world, now you have to go to jail!' I don't know. I would hope not. I don't want to go to prison but I don't want to be celebrated as a hero, I never have, through all of this. I'd have killed someone.

But if I don't kill him what's going to happen to the world? If I don't kill him how many more people will die? The fate of the world, the future, lies on my shoulders. I'm _15_ years old this shouldn't be happening. My main worry should be homework, or trying to avoid getting detention from Snape, or the outcome of the next quidditch match. Not how I'm going to kill the most evil wizard of the century.

The odd thing is I'm not worried about me in all of this, I'm worried about those around me that I care for. My friends, in a funny way they are my family.

My parents died because of me, then Sirius because he came to help me. Would never have forgiven himself in he hadn't, was what Dumbledore had said.

There are people around me that I couldn't bear to get hurt because of me. Ron and Hermione are always there when there's danger around and their going to be the first one to get hurt if there is, and its going to be all my fault. Their friendship means so much to me, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have made it through any of my 'trials'. They've helped me to 'carry my burdens' as Dumbledore would say. I could never forgive myself if anything happened to either of them, in a funny way they are my family, it feels like they've always been their and always will.

I know that there will be death before this all ends, there always is where voldemort is concerned. I just hope that no one dies because of me.

Dumbledore had said that the odd thing about the prophecy was that it may not have me been me that Trelawney was talking about, so why had voldemort tried to kill me and not Neville. Maybe he was going to, maybe Neville's parents had a more reliable secret keeper, not like Wormtail.

If Sirius or even Dumbledore, had been their secret keeper maybe things would have been different. Maybe he would have got to Neville first, given him a scar instead. But would he? Would the same thing have happened? Would Nevilles mum have tried to stop Voldemort kill him? Chosen his life over her own? But if she did then this wouldn't be happening to me, but that would mean that it would be happening to Neville and I couldn't wish this on any one. I could never give someone else this pain.

How many others knew about the prophecy? Did the whole order know or was it just a few people? The prophecy was the weapon that they were all talking about, so they must have know. They were trying to guard it so they had to know what it was. How am I supposed to tell Ron and Hermione? I've thought about not telling them about it, but their just going to find out anyway, I cant keep this from them its too big.

Its getting late and I think that I've talked too much. I doubt anyone will ever read this but I just needed to write everything down to sort it all out in my head, I've got so much going on in my head it feels like its going to burst. I'm sorry if it doesn't make any sense, but it doesn't make sense to me either!

Thanks for listening,

Harry.

A/N: Ok so there it is. I edited it coz looking back it really didn't make all that much sense to me. It may not be great but please review anyways. Go on you know you want to.


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